Letters to Loki
by RaverLynn
Summary: You mortals may send Loki your letters.
1. Loki Wants Your Letters!

Salutations mortals,

It is I, your ruler, Loki, God of Mischief and Lies. It has been brought to my attention that a ruler should hear his subject's requests and opinions. I personally, have no inclination to care for your petty whimsical notions…but I have grown weary of the daily tedium I endure and wish for some form of entertainment. Therefore, I will be accepting letters in which you may write anything you desire…Whether or not I answer them depends on how interesting I find them. I advise you to be quick for I have no patience for human's sluggishness.

Your gracious ruler,

Loki


	2. Letters 1 and 2

Dear Loki,I LOVE YOU! You're so good looking and I am SO attracted to you. Will you marry me?!From,Your Not-So-Secret Admirer

_**Dear My Not-So-Secret Admirer,**_

_**I am pleased to have a mortal respond so soon to my demands. I must also agree that I find myself extremely attractive and I can easily see how a human woman, like yourself, would be so drawn to me. As for your marriage proposal, I don't think you would quite know the demands that would be upon you as my queen. I am aware that the position is desirable and I do admit that a human queen would make the other mortals more accepting of my rule, but at this time I'm not currently looking for a wife. I have yet to elevate the humans to their supreme state. Once that occurs I will then search for a queen to produce me an heir. Note that I will keep your offer in consideration, for under my rule the humans will surely advance in a short time**_

_**Your gracious ruler,**_

_**Loki**_

Most gracious if not stuck up liar and fool,Ten to one, if you ever go up against the Hulk again, I can't wait to watch with popcorn. Puny ,A Member of Team Phil Coulson!

_**Dear A Member of Team Phil Coulson,**_

_**I do not find the way you address your king to be acceptable and as soon as I know who you really are, you will be punished. I must admit that the beast "Hulk", as they call him, surprised me. I assure you though, that the next time we meet, I will not be defeated. Who is this Popcorn, may I ask?**_

_**Your gracious ruler,**_

_**Loki **_


	3. Letters 3, 4, and 5

Dear Herr Laufeyson,You aren't a ruler of this world yet, but I really have no one to speak with... I'm Jannike. You can call me Mäuschen... I'm really not sure what to even talk about... I rarely ever approach anyone. I'm too shy...Hochachtungsvoll,Jannike Leni Gottschalk,

_**Lieb**_ _**Mäuschen,**_

_**It will not be long before I have my army rebuilt and take Midgard for myself. **__**Es ist vollkommen fein, schüchtern zu sein. Alle seienden scheinen, ähnliche Bühnen durchzugehen. Despite your obvious mortality you appear to be a rather pleasing human. I look forward to ruling those such as your self.**_

_**Ihr gnädiger Herrscher,**_

_**Loki**_

I just can't seem to hate you. It would make my life a little simpler if I did. You're simply far too charming and sympathetic. Although the whole Coulson thing is just not acceptable. the way, you have the most beautiful smile in the nine realms.-Haruko-Mizumi__

_**Dear Haruko-Mizumi,**_

_**I can do nothing about how you like or dislike me as you humans can be rather emotional. I do appreciate your comments about me.**_

_**As for Coulson…the mortal got in my way. He was simply another life that had to be sacrificed to achieve my goals. I feel no regret.**_

_**Thank you for complementing my smile. Perhaps I should smile more so that the other mortals can become as entranced by me as yourself.**_

_**Your gracious ruler,**_

_**Loki **_

Is it true that you gave birth to an 8-Legged horse? Is it also true that this horse is also the one Odin rides around on? -Ferrae

_**Dear Ferrae,**_

_**This is one of the stories from your mythology that gives me the greatest headache. The first thing I should address is that it is not normal for horses on Asgard to have more than four legs. I don't know exactly how that atrocious story about me taking the form of a mare came about, but I shall tell you what actually happened.**_

_**I do own a stallion named **__**Svaðilfari**__** and he bred with another mare in the stables. she gave birth to twin foals. The mare died shortly after and one of the foals was about to perish as well. I used my magic to combine the two horses and I named him**_

_**Sleipnir. **_

_**Since the colt had no mother I took him into my own hands and cared for him. When Sleipnir was trained and of age, I gave him to Odin as a present. **_

_**I hope that answers your question.**_

_**Your gracious ruler,**_

_**Loki**_


	4. Letters 6, 7, and 8

You're so awesome! XD Anyway, so for my question...do you have any leadership tips? I seem to struggle in that area and would love to learn from the master :)Thank you in advance!

SkySoarer

_**Dear SkySoarer,**_

_**I agree that I'm "awesome", as you would put it, and I am glad that so many of my subjects see me as such. Leadership is a difficult thing and though you have no need to lead with me around, I will indulge you. **_

_**The first step to being a good leader is to be sure of yourself. Next, know your strengths and weaknesses so that you are never outmatched in a situation. Also, carry yourself with dignity and others will soon see you as assertive and superior. Lastly, become knowledgeable about as many things as you can so that you will always have information and intelligence to set you above others. I am sure that will help.**_

_**Your gracious ruler,**_

_**Loki**_

Loki, Darling, Baby! I have a proposal for you. I will gladly join your army. Truth be told, I think that this whole "take over the world and rule it" thing is simply marvelous! But here's the thing, darling. I happen to be a very high-class mercenary. I don't do "free." I mean, what kind of self-respecting woman would I be if I simply did things for no reason? And I don't do mind control, thank you very much. Kneeling, usually not my thing, but for you? I'll make an exception. After all, I always was one for mischief. Though I never lie. I always tell the truth, and I always keep my promises. If you accept my proposal, you shall find that I always finish the job, no matter how long it takes. There was one job I started five years ago, that I just finished last month. What can I say? The victim was very good at , I happen to be one of the best mercenaries out there. I strike quietly, and quickly. Unless I don't like my victim, in which It's quietly, slowly, and painfully. I can walk in front of security cameras and not be noticed. I mean, come on, darling, My name is Anonymous. There's a reason for that you know. If you were to hack into S.H.I.E.L.D.'s files, you would find a file for me, but there would be no more knowledge of me except for the fact that my name is Anonymous, and that I'm an extremely dangerous assassin who is to be killed on sight. Trust me, I know. I've read it. This is S.H.I.E.L.D we're talking about, dear. Usually, they know everything about everyone. But not me. Imagine, the one gal Fury knows nothing about, working for you, for only a few measly dollars that I'm SURE you can easily steal from one of us human's "puny mortal" banks. Hmm, you could even steal the money from Stark...wouldn't that be something? A mercenary working for you, paid by that idiot Stark's own money supply? Oh the irony. Or is one more thing I ask for, if you should so choose to accept my humble offer. When you and hopefully me go against the "Avengers" (Silly name in MY opinion,) you leave Hawkeye and that little redheaded witch, Black Widow to me. Us three have some very important unfinished business to deal with. In fact, me and Black Widow go way back. I know her. I even used to work with her, side by side, before she betrayed me. I mean, really darling, you want them dead almost as much as I do. It couldn't hurt to let me have my well-deserved revenge could it? Accept my offer, dear. It's a good one. I'm one of the best mercenaries in the world, much better than that silly Black Widow, even if she was the one getting all the attention. All I ask for is a little comfort money, and revenge. Simple, isn't it? I would implore you to think it , Anonymous

_**Dear Anonymous,**_

_**I must say that your offer is very enticing. It was almost enough to make me overlook you calling me all of those horrid pet names. I should warn you not to address me as such in the future, especially if I am to be your employer. **_

_**You need not fear about money, as I can easily attain that for you. I can also let you have the Black Widow and Hawkeye. Actually, when I started reading your letter I was thinking along the same lines as you in regards to them. As for "mind control", you will be safe as long as you obey me and only me. I expect you to send me your file from S.H.E.I.L.D immediately as proof of your abilities. After that, I will pay you and send you on a little errand for me. How does that sound?**_

_**Your gracious ruler**_

_**Loki**_

Loki,You and your family have got to get some family counseling. Though you are number 2, so don't flatter yourself. Thanos is number 1 in line for counseling. Also word of advice, ruling humans is just not going to work. We are just to stubborn. So back off jack-ass. As long as we have our will, there will always be freedom. Even in the smallest ways you do not rule us. We are our own selves. And just because you're a frost giant, doesn't make you a monster. You may be different, but so am I. Also, there are tons of adopted kids out there who hadn't known they were adopted in the first place. But they don't freak out like you did. We are all different in our own ways. We are all crazy and different in our way. And, did you ever consider Odin didn't follows up with his original plan because he started to think you as his actual son, of blood and bone? I think that may be the case. So get some Midgardian counseling. Thought you might want to leave out that you're from another planet. That tends to freak out normal love from,A concerned fan

_**Dear A concerned fan,**_

_**From my knowledge, counseling on Midgard is where mortals go and talk about their problems. I find the notion of going to a place like that, outrageous. The only problems I have are Thor, The Avengers, and you ignorant humans. You may have will, but you still long to be told right from wrong, almost like children. You have a history of violence and bloodshed, so you, as a race, suit my needs nicely. Once you are allied with my magic and brain, we will rule the nine realms. I will ignore your other comments about my "family" and origins. Do not mention them again.**_

_**Your gracious ruler,**_

_**Loki**_


	5. Letters 9, 10, and 11

Dear Loki,Greetings to your lordship. May I inquire as to the origin of your horned helmet? It is a most fascinating piece of humble servant,A Pirate By Any Other Name

_**Dear A Pirate By Any Other Name,**_

_**Greetings to you as well, my servant. You may inquire about my helmet. You are fortunate to have caught me in a jovial mood this day.**_

_**On Asgard, when a boy becomes a man, he is sent out to hunt by himself. He can only use the weapon he has dedicated his life to. In my case, it was magic and my staff. The reward was our own helmet given to us by our father, or in my case, Odin. Thor had already received his helmet and I was nearly dying to have mine. **_

_**I went out in the early morning, planning to haul back the head of a large beast. Before I could find such an animal, I ran into a majestic creature, similar to your earth's deer. I decided this would be my prize to take back to Odin. I killed it and took it back. **_

_**Odin gave me my helmet, the horns remarkably resembling the animal I had killed.**_

_**Your gracious ruler,**_

_**Loki**_

Dear Gracious Ruler Loki:I am a curious human being so I will put this question to you: what is your opinion of the Lady Sigyn? I have heard she is very beautiful and faithful and would make a good match for you. Have you heard of her? What do you think of her?And as a side question, can you sing? Ah, let me be more specific as I am sure you prefer details...can you sing well?Thank you for your consideration and your kindness to consider our letters. I look forward to an answer should you so choose to answer

_**Dear Ellen,**_

_**Ah, Lady Sigyn: She was indeed considered beautiful by those on Asgard, and while we were betrothed, remained faithful to me. I personally can say, that I held no affection towards her. She was a nice girl, but was rather weak and useless. She also would not give her opinion on anything, so conversation with her was dull. Eventually we both decided to end the engagement. **_

_**As for singing, I believe I sang once at a feast on Asgard. I was told by many afterwards that not only was I a silver tongue, but a silver throat!**_

_**Your gracious ruler,**_

_**Loki**_

Dear gracious ruler,I understand that mortal women like myself are unworthy of your personal attention, but, seeing as you are the god of magic and capable of creating doppelgangers - may I have one?sincerelyyour loyal subject

_**Dear my loyal subject,**_

_**You don't really understand the complexities of magic, do you? First, I would not be able to give you a "doppelganger", because, while I can hold them for long periods of time, I can not hold them long enough for you to have one. Another issue is that, though they are not me, they represent me. Well, to put the answer simply…no, you can't have one.**_

_**Your gracious ruler,**_

_**Loki**_


	6. Letters 12-18

**My briefest apologies to my subjects for my absence. Ruling the world is no easy task and I had to acquire a new secretary. I need not explain myself further.**

**Your gracious ruler,**

**Loki**

Dear Lokitty- I mean Loki,First of all, If I were you, I would have let Odin die. He is a giant douche, and he ruined your life. Well, I mean sure, he could have let you die as a baby but that would make him even more of a douche... I would at least kick him in the crotch next time I saw him. Yeah, you should do that. Next, hell yeah I'll join your army. What loser (besides the Avengers- or is that name tabboo for you?) wouldn't? Also, where did you get your helmet? It looks WAAAAY more awesome than Thor's- or anyone's for that matter. And what do you think about Bruce? Not Hulk, forget him for a while and focus on Bruce's personality. He's a cutie, right? (\(:3)/) Finally, if your life was a book, do you think Nigel Thornberry would be a good narrorator for it? ("I'VE BEEN BURDENED WITH A GLORIOUS BLAAAAARGH") Sorry for all the questions, I'm a curious person! Hope you write back!Love, Pika-Pika-CHUUU

**Dear Pika-Pika-CHUU, **

**I, too, realize the mistakes I made with my "father". At the time I wished more for Odin's approval than his death. I assure you, the next time we meet he will not escape our fray alive. I have no opinion on Banner as anything but a beast and a pawn. If I am to assume that Nigel Thornberry is a person…It would appear as though he would not make a good narrator.**

**Your gracious ruler,**

**Loki**

Loki,

Aw, no nicknames? That's no fun. Fine, but only because I like you. Oh good, I'm so glad you understand my money problem. If you hadn't, that would have caused some...difficulties Finally. Do you know how long I've waited for my chance to get back at them for what they did to me?! I've waited years for this kind of opportunity. I do hope you're not in a rush to kill them, because when I get my hands on them, they'll be begging for for that no mind controlling business. Because as long as you keep paying me, I won't be working for anyone else. But as soon as the money stops coming, so do I, and I start looking for another job, regardless of where that job is, or who it's you wish. The file should be to you errand? Sounds fun. When, where, and who, or what? You do know how I love my job...

Sincerely,

Anonymous

**Dear Anonymous,**

**I am very pleased with you and I trust this task I give you will give you the pleasure and rewards you so seek. There are many in this mortal world that lead. kings, queens, etc. I want you to kill them all. Any resources or wealth they possess, you may take for yourself. Make sure I have no opposition.**

**Your gracious ruler,**

**Loki**

Dear Loki,

When you become ruler, can you ban the "Twilight" books/movies? It would be much appreciated.

-HistoryNut

**Dear HistoryNut,**

**I have read these "books" and find that they are useless in my new world. Your request is granted.**

**Your gracious ruler,**

**Loki**

Hello, King of Midgard,

I am Reth. However I'm sure that the knowledge of my name is but folly to you, as I'm sure you view every petty mortal as below you. Well let me inform you of two things, one, I'm am no mortal, and two, I would be happy to join your army. After all, every god needs a Draugr at their side. However, might I inform you and all others who read these all-wonderful letters you do kindly respond to that the humans dreadfully informed mythology is wrong, Im neither a ghost, nor what the mortals call a "zombie". The correct being that I am based off of is what the humans call a vampire.

If anyone dares ask if I sparkle in the sun one more time I swear I will kill you all (you are an exception of course, my liege, but I would still ask that you do not call me such).

Pleasant regards and my sworn fealty,

Rethana

**Dear Rethana, **

**I would be pleased to have a Draugr in my services. I am in search of someone to head up my royal guards. Would a general's position be pleasing to you?**

**Your gracious leader,**

**Loki**

Loki, you evil, good-for-nothing person! I can't believe you defeated the Avengers, least of them Thor! He's so brave and strong and powerful, handsome, blond, gorgeous, tall, valiant, manly ... What did you do to him, you wretch? No way can you have killed him! He'll be back, he will!

**Dear Thor Fangirl,**

**Is it not amazing how one can get ideas from nature. Your precious Thor is frozen forever in the north. Guarded by magic and much worse. We shall see if he escapes from this.**

**Your gracious ruler,**

**Loki**

Dear Sir,

I hope you remember me, I am Captain America – 'the soldier' as you once put it. I have long since forgiven you of your reckless behavior and seek to make amends on behalf of your brother's noble character.

With that set aside, I am curious to know how you fare here on, what did you call it, Midgard? My experience with time travel just before The War ended has not exactly been easy for me. My main concern, for the moment, is the culture shock. I was exiting the Burger King yesterday with Mr. Stark after our time 'hanging-out' (at least that is what he calls it) when I noticed an elderly lady entering through the double doors. A young girl, a granddaughter I assume, led the way yet failed to open the door for her feeble relative. Stark strutted right by, but I stopped to hold the door open for the dear old woman. Her weakened eyes said, "thank you" and I then reprimanded the young granddaughter for not doing her duty to her grandmother. – Nothing too forward. Just a simple, "You might want to walk with your head up next time." The girl offered me a rather disrespectful comment and began poking at the small rectangular box in her hand as all young people do. I was appalled! – This leads to my question: Do you experience the same kind of culture shock that I seem to be going through, or am I just slow to accept the new way of life (if I ever accept it).

Sincerely, Captain Steven Grant Rogers

**Dear Captain Rogers,**

**You mortals do continue to surprise me. It is quite laughable that you should expect me to make amends simply because you ask. I am the ruler of this earth now and no pleading from your pitiful race will cause any change in my behavior.**

**As for culture shock. There has been none. Those on Asgard regularly view earth. I have witnessed and participated in much of earths history. I fear you will always be a man out of time, no?**

**Your gracious ruler,**

**Loki**

Oh Loki, our god, who resideth in New York!

Praised be thy name! Your humble servants now need to know how to worship you properly. Shall we erect temples in your name? Plant holy groves? What sacrifices would please your eyes? Back in the olden days, people were hung by the neck in holy groves to honour Odin. Far be it from us mortals to judge what passes for entertainment in Asgard, but may we hope that you won't demand such gruesome acts of worship?

Your devout and hopeful worshipper

**Dear Worshipper,**

**You may erect temples if it so pleases you. All I require of your race is devotion and total submission. I do not wish death to be among my people unless I wish for it to happen. Criminals that I deem unworthy of life may be sacrificed to me if my followers wish it.**

**Your gracious ruler,**

**Loki**


	7. Letters 19-26

Dear Loki,

Let me get this clear. Why? Why take over a human race? As you put it you call us "puny" or "pathetic" mortals. Why would you want to rule us? I have to say we put up a pretty big challenge, and we just aren't going to give up our home to you. I do see though your magic and trickery very useful. ;) Yeah, I can be evil. We all are, in our own way. I also can be useful. (I killed a man with this thumb) haha.. jk! I may or may not join your "army". See, I got on S.H.I.E.L.D.'s radar in a bad way after they killed my family. I have never trusted them since. That is why I offer my alliances to you.

The offer is up to you. Luv, Rebecca

This is a one chance offer.

**Dear Rebecca,**

**Ah yes…Another question about my urges to rule you petty humans! I have come to hold a fondness for these. There are two main reasons: revenge and power. By taking over earth I would get my revenge upon my "family". Earth is- or should I say was- under Thor's jurisdiction. By taking it over I am metaphorically slapping him in the face. I would also be proving to Odin that I can rule as I rightfully should have. **

**Power is also a very appealing part of your Earth. It holds many resources, many promising humans, and it does have a rather nice placement in the universe. Power…is something very appealing. I should know, I have it.**

**As I have said in other letters, mortals hold potential. By ruling them, I could theoretically rule the galaxies if I was able to make them reach full potential.**

**I shall ignore your comments on my trickery and magic. You, a pathetic mortal, could not possibly grasp the depths of my powers. I **_**am**_**the God of Mischief and Lies.**

**I will accept your loyalty. My general, Rethana, is taking enlistments.**

**Your gracious ruler,**

**Loki**

Dear King Loki,

First and foremost you are my hero! I love you so much! Secondly since your really good at magic can you teach me?

Sincerely,

Jamie

**Dear Jaime,**

**Your admiration of me brings much satisfaction to my being. I am not currently taking on any apprentices. If you join my army, there will be many there to teach you're the wonders of sorcery. If you show potential above the rest, I may take you on as an apprentice.**

**Your gracious ruler,**

**Loki**

Dear Loki,Have you ever happened to cross paths with a man called The Doctor? He is about 900 years old and travels through time and space in a blue box called the TARDIS. I am certain he must have visited Asgard at some point, however if you have not made his acquaintance I advise you look him up. His adventures are very fascinating. Though I highly doubt he would approve of your attempts to take control of Earth, so you had better brace yourself for ,Kat

**Dear Kat,**

**The Doctor you say? That does bring back many memories. He visited Asgard when I was very young. A very interesting character.**

**I have no qualms about what I have chosen to do and I couldn't care less what The Doctor thinks. I assure you…he won't be interfering.**

**Your gracious ruler,**

**Loki**

My King Loki,That offer is most gracious, your magesty, and I dare say I am almost at a loss for words. I would be most honored to lead your guard, and can assure you I will take such placement as general with all my loyalty and strength. Might I ask what would be your first order so that I may fulfill it in as short of a time as possible? Thank Draugr,Rethena.

**General Rethena,**

**Your first order is to start taking enlistments and training my forces. Find someone to put in charge of acquiring armor and weapons and have the humans tested to see if they can perform magic. Those who are will need to be trained thoroughly in magic.**

**Do you have any requests for salary or any special conditions that must be met? I would prefer to get that particular business out of the way as soon as possible.**

**Your gracious ruler,**

**Loki**

Dear Loki,

Sounds fun! Get to keep all their wealth? Awesome! Queen of England, here I come...

Sincerely,

Anonymous

**Dear Anonymous,**

**Make sure to report back to me when your assignment is complete.**

**Your gracious ruler,**

**Loki**

Loki,

Have you ever considered taking Tony Stark, aka Iron Man, as a love interest? Honestly, I'm a big FrostIron shipper (that is what we call it! Should not be too hard to figure out, honestly), and I can see you two working very, very well together. :)

- A Teenager Who's A Bit Of A Fangirl

**Dear A Teenager Who's A Bit Of A Fangirl,**

**No. You should be killed immediately. If you could send me your address so I can attend to that matter myself? I will greatly enjoy dismembering you and maiming you until you have become beyond recognition. I look forward to seeing your blood spilt.**

**Your gracious ruler,**

**Loki**

OMG This is epic! XD

Sorry, had to get that out of my system, so, with that taken care of...Let me start off by saying, you are amazing. Seriously, I've studied mythology since I was a kid, and you were the only god in Norse mythology that I was actually interested in. Now what I'm kinda curious about now is Fenrir. We got the Sleipnir myth wrong, so I'm assuming Fenrir's story is wrong too? Was he maybe like a pet or something? I could see that happening, you having a giant wolf as a pet (That would be epic too! :D)

Anyway, good luck with taking over our world. Who knows, you might do better than all these other crappy politicians in our world. I look forward to hearing from you :)

Yours,

Amari, the Hellhound

**Dear Amari,**

**I thank you for your attentions to me when you were young. Can I assume you will be loyal to me? You are also very correct in regards to Fenrir. It is not so much that mortals get the stories wrong…they just don't get them right. Anything that evolves me giving birth or having children is in some way distorted. I have never been married nor have I fathered any children. I still consider myself to be rather young for that business. This, however, does not mean I lack any experience.**

**Your gracious ruler,**

**Loki**

Dear Loki;How is it that one who does not deserve to be hated, is hated? I don't think you deserve to be hated, but admire for what you do. Can you do us fellow servants a favor, and bring back the good music like Beatles, Amy Whinehouse, etc, and take bands/ singers One Direction and Bieber with you if that's possible... :)Isla de Los muertos se elvo.

**Dear Isla,**

**I appreciate your sentiments. I honestly have no opinion on your Midgardian music. You may listen to what you wish as long as I do not find it displeasing. I do not plan on being such a tyrant as to cause my people unhappiness.**

**Your gracious ruler,**

**Loki**


	8. Letters 27-36

My King Loki,

I shall begin this task right away sir, and I can not yet wait for you to see your army once it has been fully assembled. It will truly be a force unmatched by any from all the planets and realms both known of and not.

I do not require such material things as a salary, my liege, all I would like is a sword with which I may slay those who oppose you, and your permission to feed when I so choose, as I would not like to kill off any humans without your knowing. Perhaps you have a certain few people you would not miss?

Your Draugr,

General Rethena

**General Rethena,**

**Your conditions shall be met as you wish. I shall procure you a sword that will make all of the nine realms tremble. You may feed as you will, but I advise you to stay away from my men.**

**Your gracious ruler,**

**Loki**

Dear Loki,

I would be most delighted to join your army and learn the ways of sorcery. I do believe I will show much potential. Anyway where do I sign up? Side question just for curiosity purposes, do you listen to Queen?

Your loyal subject,

Jamie

**Dear Jamie,**

**I have recently created a "Tumbler" where my readers may join if they desire. Here is the link, **

**I have not had much time to bother myself with listening to music. I have listened to a few things like The Beatles and The Eagles. My tastes favor the more traditional folk music, but I am rather interested in the more…exotic forms of Midgardian music. Your gracious ruler,**

**Loki**

Dear Loki,

I know that your interest on a relationship in a romantic way is probably none, however I need to ask you, if you had to choose between an Elf, Midgardian, Asgardian or Jötun, for a wife which one will you choose?

Ealë the elf a.k.a Earth's Sigyn.

**Dear ****Ealë****, I find myself getting myself getting more and more of these kinds of letters. They are becoming increasingly bothersome. But I am still hoping that by answering these, I will avoid them in the future. **

**Elves are rather a rather difficult race to deal with. They are indeed very beautiful and amazingly talented, I feel that they would suit my needs ill.**

**I believe I have expressed a desire to find a human woman to take as my wife and queen. They are very impressionable and human women seem to throw themselves at me. Some Midgardian women have been known to hold great beauty.**

**Asgardian women would probably be my favorite. I grew up around them and was even betrothed to one for a time. Asgardian women are either incredibly boring or too strong willed…one of them would make a poor wife for me. **

**As for ****Jötun****s, I find them incredibly disgusting in both looks and personality. I know they are my own race but I would never take one for a wife. I suppose A Midgardian would be the best fit: A woman I could easily use and manipulate at will. **

**Your gracious ruler,**

**Loki**

Dear Loki,

First off, I want to sincerely aplogize on behalf of all Midgard for these "ships" the fangirls keep sticking you with. I'll admit I've written you in with a love interest, but its not any of the Avengers. But anyways, I would competely understand if those were part of the reason you hate mortals. Especially the whole "Thorki" thing. If you don't know what that is, believe when I say you do NOT want to know. Also, is there a place for me with you somewhere? Army, possible queen, personal asisstant?

-Sincerely, Violetrose. (A.K.A. Erica N.)

**Dear Erica,**

**I accept your apologies, though I fear it does nothing to stop these foolish mortals. It is rather easy to discern what "Thorki" is and I am thoroughly disgusted. You may join my army.**

**Your gracious ruler,**

**Loki **

Your Majesty,

congratulations on having found a new secretary. All your loyal subjects very much appreciate that you now deign to answer our questions again.

I have one question of general interest: Are Frost Giants more closely related to Yetis or to Smurfs?

Happy new year!

**Dear Jaqueline,**

**The answer is neither if I understand my se. Frost giants are probably more related to humans. They have a humanoid form but they are much larger and have a body tempurature far below zero. For the most part they have all of the same organs as humans. **

Loki,So, the politicians. You know, those people you see lying on the TV every day but you can't actually call them out on it until it's too late and everyone knows and thinks how moronic they were for listening to those lies and accepting them as truths? I'm sure you know the ones. What are you going to do with them? Surely they have no use for you Politic Skeptic

**Dear Politic Skeptic,**

**Your are correct in thinking that there will be no use for them. All position required will be appointed by me. If they are as influential as you say, I may have to permanently end them. I extend my thanks to you for your information.**

**Your gracious ruler,**

**Loki**

Oh Loki our lord, who resideth in New York,

according to Wikipedia, those foul heathens in Iceland worship Thor by a festival named Þorrablót in January. Will you smite them? What is the festival in your honour to be called, and when is it to be held?

your devoted worshipper

**Dear Worshipper,**

**I will of course give them the choice to end there celebrations. If they choice not to I will intervene and put a stop to there actions. I have not made plans for such an event. I was thinking about taking over the holiday you humans call New Years. **

**Your gracious ruler,**

**Loki**

Dear Loki,

For the question of Loyalty, yes. Very loyal :) I've always believed you have potential to be leader, just no one gave you a chance to be and that to me is sad. You deserved much better than that.

If you must know, I've studied world mythologies and stuff since I was eight years old, so yes, make no mistake, I am both loyal and knowledgeable

As a personal favor though, please, please, PLEASE get rid of the frikkin Kardashians when you rule the world?! My god, have you seen them?! They're frikkin everywhere in the dang media and it's annoying! No one knows how in the world they got to be so famous anyway, and you'd be a bit of a humanitarian since you'll be doing Kim Kardashian and Kanye West's future kid a valuable service.

Thank you so very much,

Your loyal Hellhound

**Dear Amari,**

**If they detract too much from my own "fame" I will dispose of them. Just be reminded that I don't do personal favors. I see what may of value and I act on what benefits me.**

**Your gracious ruler,**

**Loki**

Dearest Loki,

I would love to hear from you. I've been driven to madness not ever hearing from you. what ever you wish to tell me would be enough. i shall check back every day to see if you have written me. your answering questions i hear. i feel like i have thousands to ask you but i feel they are inappropriate considering we have never met. what do you like to do doing your freetime?

**Dear LOki969,**

**Trust me. There is nothing you could possibly ask me that these other petulant fools haven't asked me yet. You may ask me anything you like.**

**In my free time I like to take a walk in my personal gardens. It is very relaxing and sometimes I take my letters and there and write replies. Other times I observe Midgardians so I can learn more about the various culters. If I do anything else it is most likely sleeping or reading while drinking a nice wine.**

**Your gracious ruler,**

**Loki**

Dearest Loki,

I have a question, what are you doing with your hair? No offense to your lordship, but I feel like it's getting a bit out of control. Maybe get a haircut and a bit less oil? Do you have a hairdresser? I would be glad to fill the position if it is needed. I could make you look fabulous! (Well, even more fabulous!) A King must always look his best!

Much love, and hoping you consider my offer!

Savanna

**Dear Savanna,**

**My hair is much better than when you may have last seen it. I was rather pinched for time and had a lot on my mind, causing my to locks suffered for it. In recent months, I have taken to caring for my hair with my magic. If I am ever in need of a hairdresser, I will call upon you.**

**Your gracious ruler,**

**Loki**


	9. The Secretary's Question

The secretary's question

A young woman of eighteen shuffled into the grand hall of Loki, King of Midgard. She was carrying her purse, her car keys, and his majesty's mail. She sighed and walked through a side door that led to what was the throne room. A nearly exact replica to the one on Asgard…or so she was told. There was a small desk that had been placed at the bottom of the stairs, horizontal to the throne.

Loki was already seated regally upon his throne. He sent her a bone chilling glare as he hissed out, "Your late."

The woman cringed at the tone and kept her head down as she sat down at her desk, "I'm so sorry my King. More and more of your people are sending in their letters to you, as requested. I had to go back to my car and get a bag to carry them all."

He nodded, accepting her answer. She let out a breath.

What a broke college student wouldn't do for money.

She looked over at her new king, still shaking, "What would you like to do first today, my Liege."

He thought pensively, taping his long fingers rhythmically upon the arms of his throne. He then got up and walked slowly down the stairs, helmet gleaming and cape flowing, "We shall start will the letters today."

She read the first one off, cautiously, "Dear Loki…"

She continued to read, loosening up quite a bit when she realized it was not a hate letter. She remembered the bruise on her arm…Loki did not like hate letters.

When she was finished she lay the paper aside and took out a brand new piece of parchment.

Loki Then walked over to the desk as his secretary got up and moved to the side. He took her seat and grabbed a pen. He said what he wanted to write out loud and then to the girl next to him, "How does that sound?"

She smiled slightly, "Perfect, sir. You have gotten better at understanding pop culture references and your manner of writing has become more pleasant to read."

This was there arrangement. She "tutored" him. She made sure the people liked him and he put her through college. It was, for the most part, a good arrangement. The only downside being when he got angry.

When she had first started Loki's letters were downright vulgar and horrifically gory. It had taking a lot of work, but eventually he had learned to tone himself down a bit.

She was terrified of him, but she was also extremely fascinated. He acted childish over many things. One of them being that he had to write his own letters. He guarded his pen as through it were the Tesseract. She had seen many sides of him and wondered if her instructions to her king had kept him in character.

She knew that he may be angry with her…possibly even kill her, but she slipped in an announcement to be posted through out the world.

"**DO I WRITE LOKI WELL? I NEED FEEDBACK!**"

**-Raverlynn**

**Slight A/N~ My friend and roommate, BBST, trolled me on her fan fiction account by telling her readers that she gives me spoilers…I read her most of the letters and responses before I even post them. This is my troll back.**


	10. A Whole bunch of letters

Dear Herr Laufeyson,

It's Mäuschen. I had written you awhile ago, but I never received a reply. Is everything alright?

If you just haven't had the time, I understand. How many people have started writing to you? I can imagine it can get frustrating at times, depending on the kind of letters that are being sent to you. But then again, there are those who write to you that can become quick friends.

I hope you are doing well, Herr Laufeyson.

Hochachtungsvoll,

Jannike,

**Dear Mäuschen,**

**I have indeed been busy. Ruling the world and building up armies has never been known to be an easy task. I do not know the exact number, but I have been getting quite a multitude of letters. It can indeed be frustrating and if the letters are "hate mail", I can become quite…enraged. As of now, I am doing well.**

**Your gracious ruler,**

**Loki**

Dear Loki

Perhaps I am just a Midgardian, but really, you need to loosen your corset, get a drink. Stark offered you one. Maybe a hug will do?

-The Grammar-Assassin's friend

**Dear The Grammar-Assassin's friend **

**I don't wear a corset. Plenty of drinks are at my disposal. If anyone dares try I will gladly dismember them and feed there freshly torn limbs to Fenrir to gnaw upon.**

**Your gracious ruler,**

**Loki**

"I believe I have expressed a desire to find a human woman to take as my wife and queen. They are very impressionable and human women seem to throw themselves at me."

Your Majesty have made me incredibly happy. I hereby throw myself at your Majesty most devotely. May I ask how you will choose from the applicants? Or will you simply take all of us into your harem?

love&kisses

**Dear Jaqueline,**

**I am not taking applicants for a wife. I will also not be choosing for a long while yet. When the time comes I will chose the woman I want and that will be that. I find the idea of a harem disgusting. Isn't one mortal woman bad enough?**

**Your gracious ruler,**

**Loki**

Dear gracious ruler,

one knowledgeable person in the Norsekink Livejournal group (which, by the way, I highly recommend) wrote that the royal family of Denmark is descended from Odin by one Odinsson named Skjöldr, aka Scyld Scefing, who lived well over a thousand years ago. Will you visit your kin by adoption any time soon? And how about visits to other countries on this planet beside the USA? Your fans would be delighted.

**Dear Biorn,**

**I have no desire to visit with anyone…especially those descended from Odin. I do plan on visiting my subjects all over the world. **

**Your gracious ruler,**

**Odin**

Dude, I think you seriously just need to get laid.

Sincerely,

Hawkeye

**Hello again Hawkeye,**

**It's so nice to hear from you again. How is your mind faring? Do you still get flashes of all the people I made you kill? Or has that Russian woman refused to give you a total head count? I could tell you if you want.**

**Trust me…I have no problem getting "laid".**

**Your gracious ruler,**

**Loki**

Hi, Loki!

In case you had not noticed, one of the chemical elements we have on this planet is named "Thorium" after your brother. Two questions:

Is it named the same in Asgard?

Will you show us a new one which we don't know yet, so that we can give it your name? Preferably a stable and useful one, if possible.

**Dear Scientist,**

**On Asgard Thorium is not a naturally occurring element. As far as I know it can only be found on Earth. If I am correct, your science has already discovered all naturally occurring elements. It would be too dangerous to show you what can be found in other realms.**

**Your gracious ruler,**

**Loki**

Dear Loki,

Sounds like a plan to me :) Let's just hope they do so that way they can be taken care of.

Do you ever go on youtube? There's a lot of video tributes up to you, and I was looking through some of them the other day and you won't believe one that I found...A tribute to you with the song Call Me Maybe by Carlie Rae Jepsen! What the heck are some of these people thinking?! I mean seriously...ugh, at least that's the only bad one I've seen so far. I'd say look it up, but I wouldn't watch it again myself, so yeah...

Anyway, if you could have a pet what it would be and why?

Yours very truly,

Amari

**Dear Amari,**

**I have been shown a few things that have been put on YouTube. I did find what you wrote of. I did think it rather idiotic. Did you hear the one entitled "Prince Loki"? I found it rather entertaining. **

**I do have a pet. You have heard of the wolf, Fenrir. He is a faithful companion to me and very intelligent. I am also very fond of horses as they are very majestic creatures.**

**Your gracious ruler,**

**Loki**

My lord Loki, great and powerful God of Mischief,

My name is Charmia, I am a young and shy mortal. I have to say I hold sympathy for you, the way you were treated was wrong and it wasn't your fault, but I cannot help but feel sadness for what you have done to Midgard. Do all of us deserve to suffer for someone else's wrong doings?

And do you think you could ever love a mortal? Charmia xxx

**Dear Charmia,**

**I personally don't think you are suffering…at least, not yet. I have been rather lenient with your kind. The only ones who are punished are those who resist me. **

**Charmia, I do not think I can love at all. You humans put too much store in a person's inner good. There is no room in my heart for anyone.**

**Your gracious ruler,**

**Loki**

Dear Loki, what happened to your original helmet, the cool one with the horns set further back? Is it on display to some Asgardian museum now? Do you miss your old helmet?

Loki'd forever,

Verity

**Dear Varity,**

**My original helmet did not survive my first trip to earth. At some point during my fall it came off of my head and broke apart when it came into contact with the earth. I used my magic to fix it and I improved on the design. In a way, it is still my old helmet.**

Dear Benevolent Uplifter/Sexy Beast,

How can individual humans work on self-improvement, so as to better serve our new ruler? Should we do Yoga or dance to the Loki'd song three times a day, perhaps?

Your fan forever,

Verity

**Dear verity,**

**I fear the list I have to make in order to imrove humanity. I suppose the best way to start would be to enforce a dress code. Most Midgardian woman dress like whores. Unless I am mistaken and the industry of prostitution has become much more popular. The second thing is that you need to stop killing each other. You humans kill yourselves from the smallest unborn child to the most elderly of your kind. Asgard may not be perfect, but we don't go murdering each other. I could continue on but this entire matter makes my head hurt.**

**Your gracious ruler,**

**Loki**

Lord Loki. I love you. Seriously. I do.

I would like to offer my services for your cause. This world needs a bit of serious discipline, especially with those greedy humans that that used to rule and ravage our lands.

About myself: I am a female human fighter. I love close range combat and small weapons, especially knives. I also know how to make them. (Guns are cool too, a bit too loud though.)

I was trained with Elves, hence my title; Helca Maica (it means Icy Blade in elfish, but I'm sure you knew that already). It was given to me by my companion, a Dark Elf (or Drow) that served the light. He made me into who I am today.

Also I'd like to inform you that I have under my command a legion of professionally trained Shadow Ninjas, loyal to me, that will follow me in your army, though I fear they will not easily accept orders from others.

I'm eager to hear your response, my Liege!

Love, Helca Maica.

P.S. I you would be so kind to pass a message from me to your secretary: You're doing a great job girl! I love it! Keep it up! :D

**Dear Helca Maica,**

**I gladly accept your services. You will be under the orders of my General. You shall be my liuetenant general. Do you have any demands or special forms of payment you require?**

**What exactly has my secretary done a great job at?**

**Your gracious ruler,**

**Loki**

Loki,

How are you healing up? I hope I didn't smash you around too hard. I was actually holding back a bit. Tony was mad about the dents in his floor... but it was still worth it. You needed a serious attitude adjustment.

On that note, I hope you think twice about taking over the Earth next time. I won't go easy on you again.

Sincerely,

Bruce

P.S. I know some great anger management techniques that I believe would be very beneficial to you. If you're interested just give me a call.

**Dear Bruce,**

**You did beat me up a bit, but I am at peak condition now. When we next meet you will find that I will not be surprised by your attacks. It is rather unusual for a beast, such as yourself, to act as you did. I blame your humanity.**

**Perhaps you havn't heard but I'm back…and I have an army of mortals.**

**See you on the battlefield,**

**Loki**

Dear Loki,

Boxers or briefs?

**Dear bbst,**

**Asgardians don't have boxers or briefs. We wear a linen like material in a similar style to what mortals call speedos.**

**Your gracious ruler,**

**Loki**


	11. Never Hide A Letter

**A/N: This is the second to last chapter. I'm moving a letter up in the list for plot purposes…if you can count answering a whole bunch of questions as plot. Anyway, I'm writing all this now cause when I'm doing letters I don't like to break character. Thank you everyone who has followed this and sent in their letters. I apologize if I didn't answer yours specifically, but I tried to be selective. I love you all and I may write a fanfic for avengers maybe titled, "Loki's secretary." Let me know what you think. ****J ~ Raverlynn**

She made sure she was not late this time as she quickly made her way to her desk. The amount of letters she had was unbelievable. Loki had been holding off on answering them for a while because he was busy setting up governmental agencies all over the world. He wanted everything as uniform as possible and he had only recently returned from South America after being there for three months. She hadn't seen him in awhile ,and in a way, was looking forward to seeing her king again.

She looked over at the throne where Loki was seated, "Good morning, my King."

He nodded at her. She couldn't see it but the side of his mouth twitched ever so slightly upward as he watched her sort the letters into their respective categories: Military and Subjects. When his secretary looked at one letter she paled and tried to sneak the letter into her purse without him seeing. He raised an eyebrow and teleported behind her, "What are you doing, Raven?"

Her eyes widened as she started to sputter, "Uhm…I-I…the…uh."

He snatched the letter from her and looked at the cover, "Bbst…isn't that the mortal you take residence with while you are at college?"

Raven nodded.

He evaluated the letter, understanding why she had tried to hide the letter. Her 'roommate' asked very personal questions. He looked back over at his secretary and smirked when he saw her fidgeting and contemplating whether she should try to grab the letter from him. That decided it…He opened the letter and for added effect he read it out loud, " Dear Loki,

If I swear loyalty to you, will you help pay my college tuition? If that's not enough, I'm willing to polish your shoes.

Also, are you sure that you're not looking for a wife? I hear that your secretary might be interested...

Butterflies and unicorns,

Bbst"

He looked over at his secretary, eyebrow raised, "Care to explain?"

Her face was completely red and he nearly laughed at her as she jumped nearly falling out of her chair, "U-uhm…Well, Bb and I were uhm…well we were talking…and there was alcohol involved…andImayhaveadmittedthatIfindyouattractive andthatwithourarrangmentitwouldbeverycinematicifyo uandIendeduptogether."

Loki almost didn't catch all of that but he managed. He grinned, "So you find me attractive?"

She shivered as he leaned in over her preventing any escape, though trying would be pointless….She was only a mortal. She vaguely noticed that his hair was longer and filed it away in her mind to think on later…if there was a later. Oh yeah, and there was still that question that needed answering. There was no point trying to lie to him as he was the god of such things. She merely nodded which caused Loki to grin wider. He reached out to grab a lock of her dark hair and fingered it gently, "Well, you have already proven you can handle me and my schedule with relative ease, you are resourceful, you are respectful of me and have never crossed me, and as far as humans go you are rather beautiful."

He paused and watched with glee as her face got redder and redder.

"Tell your friend that she can polish my shoes but that will not be enough for me to pay her anything close to what I pay you and also that if she is so interested in finding me a wife she should go talk with my mother. Now back to work my pitifully weak little human before I decide you are no longer useful and rip that pretty little head off your shoulders."

He tugged on her hair just enough to cause her discomfort and smirked triumphantly as he headed back to his thrown.

Raven muttered an affirmation and grabbed a letter. Loki knew what he was doing: Constantly drawing her in then pushing her away, leaving her in a constant state of confusion. She cleared her throat, "Dear Loki…"

Well, at least he thought she was beautiful.


End file.
